Saturday, February 16, 2013

Better Off

Keep your covenants.
 Which ever ones you have made, just keep them. 
Keep them.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Dear Jamie, Mother of Addilyn

I will leave it up to you as to whether not you want to make this public. But we had a really neat experience as a family this evening.
While everyone was gathering in the living room for our family scripture study, I was scrolling through FB posts on my iPad. I got to your post about the bill and audibly gasped, prompting many of the kids to ask me "what happened, mom?"
I read them the post, two of them partially understood, four of them had no idea what a "bill" is. So this lead to a discussion on what it all meant---newborn screening, detection of disease, how Addilyns was discovered too late but many others could be saved, bills in congress, laws passed, making a difference, awareness, cord blood, diseases that are already screened for---we discussed it all. My kids are now well educated about all of this.
After the question and answer period, Harrison pondered it all for a minute, then said: "So shes going to be a hero to some babies. She is a great mom. Now * that* means i need to give her an extra hug on Sunday." it made me grab and hug that compassionate boy, even after all the fights he caused today. He's such a precious little monster.
Then we started talking about sweet Addilyn and how her life on earth will end soon. We talked about resurrection, and how Addilyn will be made whole and perfect and how you will get to raise her in the next life. We talked about the Savior and how he is aware of her and is right by her side, holding her hand as she suffers. We talked about your suffering, your aching heart, your Mommy's heart. We talked about how all of this was for a wise and glorious purpose and how heavenly Father is giving you strength to endure all of it. We talked about how none of us is strong on our own, but with God we can endure. We recognized that you must have God with you because you do so much and look beyond yourself instead of saying "why me?"
Then we continued our nightly routine. It just so happens that we are in Alma 40 for our family scripture study. (Said a silent prayer of thanks to the Lord for this divine intervention). What a perfect chapter to read after our discussion about Addilyn! It was the doctrine behind what we had just taught--and discussed.
And then..... we came to this verse (12):
"And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow."
It made me weap, Jamie. I cried happy tears that she will soon rest from all of her cares, troubles (that awful, awful Krabbe!!) and sorrows. Our God is truly merciful. But it also made me cry sad tears. Sad that she must leave *here* to find that relief. Sad that her passing will leave a hole in so many hearts. True, I know that He does have a purpose for all of this. I trust Him. But i also know that that knowledge does not negate your pain. For this i am sorry. From one mommy to another, I'm sorry.
But please know that i am grateful to know her. I am grateful for the influence she has on our family. I am grateful that her being sick has prompted my children (and me) to pray with deeper meaning. I am grateful that her beautiful, strong and valiant spirit continues to shine through that terrible disease. I am grateful for the feeling I get when I am around's almost tangible. She IS a piece of heaven on this earth. I am grateful that she is here today. I am grateful to you for sharing her with us. I am grateful for the impact that such a little person can have on this world. I am grateful to you for faciltating that. You are her conduit to the world! You act very well that part. Im sure our Father is pleased with her and you. Will you please thank her for me? I love her. I deeply love her.
Kim Smith