Oh Baby!

My appointment was uneventful yesterday. I tried to hide my relief when she put the Doppler on my belly and found the heart beat right away. It was music to my ears.

My uterus is right where it should be...and then some. I am measuring at nineteen weeks, which is expected with baby number six. I still can't figure out why my clothes still fit, but for now I'll enjoy it.

I had my early screening for diabetes yesterday. I hate drinking that nasty orange syrup, which they try to disguise as soda. It made me shaky and dizzy and by the time I checked in I could hardly think straight. I know I have it, so why the torture? I have been using my glucometer off and on for about a month now and my sugar has never been below 120. I took my sugar this morning before I ate and it was 195. Yikes!!! A safe range is between 90 and 100. The sooner I get the script for the gliburide, the better. I'll call for my results tomorrow.

Caleb had a dentist apointment today to repair a chipped tooth. Lundi has one tomorrow to get a cavity filled. Her appointment is at 2:10 and she doesn't get out of summer camp until 4:00, so she is very disappointed that she has to miss the last two hours.

Lundi and Harrison are having a great time at camp this week. I have to say, though, that my kids are a bit in shock when it comes to the public school culture. No, this is not a PS camp, but the children who attend camp also attend PS. Harrison is a compassionate little boy and doesn't like to see people left out. It hurts his feelings when he tries to be kind to people and they reject him. I think it's terrible that compassion is sometimes seen as a weakness or uncool. When he related an experience to me today, I wanted to un-enroll him. But I didn't. I thanked him for trying to be like Jesus and told him we would pray for the "mean" boy tonight.

Caleb had a similar experience last week. On Monday there was a little girl who kept coming up to him and swearing at him. He said "Mom, she was using words that you or I have never heard before! I kept chasing her away and telling her to stop." So I asked him "What can you do tomorrow to improve the situation?" He said "But Mom, I asked her a hundred times to stop."

"OK", I said "Maybe you can pray for her. Maybe she doesn't know how to make friends, or maybe she doesn't have any friends. Sometimes kids talk like that because they think it makes them look grown-up or important. Tomorrow if she doesn't stop, maybe you could go to the counselor and tell her that the language is offensive to you and then let her take care of it, OK?" He said "that sounds good, Mom."

Next day....first thing he says when he gets in the van...."It worked, Mom!! I offered her a piece of gum, asked her not to swear and now we are friends.! She's not that bad after all." I said "That's great, son. You handled it very well."

So there you have it folks, my son who has very little experience in the outside world came through like a champ. Now I know that all of the Moms out there who send their kids to PS have these experiences on a regular bases, but this is our first real encounter with the culture of PS. I think he did pretty good.

I am not saying that swear words defines PS culture, it is only a small part of it. To give you an idea, here are a few things that my kids have learned this week.......

*The meaning of "cutting" and not to do it.

*Trading snacks out of their lunches.

*Not to hold someones hand, even if you really, really, really want to be their buddy.

*That all 7 year olds should have iPods.

*That everyone does almost everything (eating, lining up, walking somewhere) together, at the same time.

*Changing in front of other kids, which they do not like at all. (swimming is a daily activity at camp).

*That "OMG" is a very common phrase. (I am glad this offends them).

I had forgotten about alot of these things. I have realized this week that my kids are quite clueless when it comes to fads, popularity and the conveyer belt method of doing things. Is it good or bad? I don't know yet, only time will tell. I'm just glad that childhood is temporary and

whether or not they ever learn the culture of PS will have no bearing on their success as an adult. Yes, that stresses me out to think that their education is totally up to me, but I know that this is right for our family.

KKS

Seventeen Weeks

Yesterday I reached the seventeenth week of my pregnancy. Months 4, 5 and 6 are usually the best for me. The sickness is gone and I'm not yet big enough to be miserable. The problem is....I worry way too much. (Bang! Bang! I am a "worrier"....remember that song? Except she says she is a "warrior"?). Anyway, I always worry about something. As much as I hate being sick, it is a good sign that I won't miscarry. I know it's crazy, but when I feel good, I worry more. This time I am worrying about the baby not growing. I am still wearing all of my regular clothes and it seems like I was too big for them at this stage with my other babies. I am going to the doctor tomorrow and will (most likely) have all of my fears put to rest.

I very much enjoyed our meetings today. The talks in sacrament meeting were about missionary work and I was reminded that I need to be so much better. Brother Cundick said that in this work, there can be no failures. Something good always comes from it, either for the one sharing the gospel or for the one that it is being shared with. So true.

"Words of Hope and Consolation at the Time of Death" was our RS lesson today. It was very special. Everyone in the room was touched by Savannah's presence. I was in awe at how much she was teaching us, even as she slept in her Mother's arms. She has touched, and will continue to touch, so many lives.

Tonight at dinner the kids had many questions about Savannah. They saw her at church and could tell that she wasn't well. We talked about how she would be going home soon and that the Lord was preparing her and her family. I reminded them that the H's need our prayers.

Lauren got very excited tonight when it occurred to her that Savannah was going to get to meet President Hinckley. She then asked if Savannah would be resurrected. In her mind, that simply means that death is not final. I assured her that she would be and she gave me a hug and said "I love Savannah, Mommy. I don't want her to be sick any more." I thought "what a beautiful example of compassion" and as I shed a tear I told her "That's the same thing her Mommy said in Relief Society today."

I am so grateful for the plan of salvation. Life does not end at death, there is so much more. From an eternal perspective, life on earth is only a small moment. We will see our loved ones again, I know that. This knowledge brings much comfort to those of us left behind.

We are told that when we get to the other side of the veil, our mortal existence will seem like a blink of an eye. Sometimes I wish the "shortness" of it all could be seen in foresight, instead of only in hindsight. Then it wouldn't seem so long until we could see our loved ones again. When I mentioned this to someone today, she reminded me that we wouldn't learn as much. It all comes down to faith, doesn't it? Exercising, building and acting upon faith, that is what the Lord wants us to do. Today I learned to trust in him a little more. I thank him for the spiritual renewal that I received this day. He loves us.

KKS

Hurt

There is way too much of it in this world. When someone hurts me, I don't like to tell them. I usually keep it to myself until I eventually forget about it, because deep down inside I really am tender hearted....but don't tell anyone. I am grateful for the reminder that I do not want to hurt another. I am not going to cry about this anymore, I am turning it over to Him. I am so grateful that my Savior can take it away.
KKS

I Have Always Thought.........

Liam's "play-dough toes." June 2008

That losing one of my children would be unbearable. Don't all mothers feel this way? We all hope and pray that our babies out live us, that we get to see them into adulthood and that we simply pass on when we are aged and seasoned. Nobody wants to think about the possibility of facing such agony that would undoubtedly be ours if we lost a child.

But to some it is reality. I have a friend who is coming closer to this reality every day of her life. She happens to be the Mother of a terminally ill child. A few years ago, back when her daughter was first diagnosed with cancer, I was awakened to a whole new perspective that I had never (truly) considered before. Yes, I have been taught all my life that families can be together forever, that God has a plan for each of us and we need to trust in Him. These are eternal truths that I embrace. It is one thing to "know" that these things are true, yet another to live them when this knowledge is being challenged. The perspective that I speak of (that this friend unknowingly shared with me) is that when these principles are practiced, when that leap of faith is taken, the Lord truly does stand by our side. The Mother of this child is a pillar of strength. One of the first things that I heard her say (with conviction and a tear in her eye) after her daughter was diagnosed was "No matter what happens, we know that she is ours forever." She not only uttered those words three years ago when the prognosis was good, but still proclaims them as her daughter is coming closer to concluding her mission on earth.

I have learned through this friend that it is indeed bearable. Our Savior Jesus Christ and a loving Father in Heaven make it possible.

I also came across a blog lately http://www.adailyscoop.blogspot.com/ that has deeply touched me. It contains the intimate details of a mothers life who recently lost her baby in a drowning accident. Camille was fourteen months old when she died. Stephanie (the Mother) is another shining example of someone with an eternal perspective. I have laughed, (the toilet picture), cried and been more inclined to always have one of my babes on my lap whenever I am sitting down on the couch. I am more grateful for their lives, less inclined to yell, better able to look at situations objectively and especially grateful to have the honor of being their Mother.

I need reminders in my life (even if it's through the blog of a stranger) to keep me moving forward, to remind me that my family is eternal and that the goal is to all make it home together.

Yesterday Lauren had her butterfly net and she said "Mommy, can Jesus see me right now?" I said "Yes." She then said "I want to catch him in my butterfly net and bring him down from heaven so that I can keep him with me. Is that a good idea?" Yes, Lauren...is is a good idea. Thank You Heavenly Father for blessing me with such beautiful little souls in my life. Thank You also for placing people in my life who teach me to treasure them more and more each day.

KKS