Long Time No Post

I know....the posts are sparse lately. Pregnancy really puts a damper on ALL that I want to do. It's like I am on "couch rest" or something. The kids have learned to expect my frequent rests, though, and have become alot more independent the last few weeks. Even Liam can now get his own "nack" out of the fridge.

The latest and greatest at our house looks something like this:

Caleb has caught on to the thrill of Star Wars. We bought a new lawn mower. We are still trying to get rid of the dog, she's too stinky, too crazy and nobody is able to make the time to train her. Starting school next week. It will be good to be back on a regular schedule. A couple of the kids are getting over a cold. I ended up bleaching the stinky towels that were used to clean up milk. I figured after 5 washes, it was the last resort. Besides, they were worth more to me bleached than they were stinky. The new van is going great, the black car is near death. We are diligently searching for a place to move that is closer to the hospital. We are sick of paying $450.00+ on gas every month. Mike absolutely loves the E.R. and is almost sure that this is where he will spend his nursing career. Mike and I went down to O.O.B. , once again, to look for an assisted living place for Laurette. She isn't able to live alone, but not sick enough for a nursing home. The waiting lists of these places is incredibly long. The process of finding care for an old person is tedious and difficult. She doesn't want to live here because our house is too noisy, even with her hearing aids off. (Imagine that). The de-junking of the house is slowly coming along. When we move we are NOT bringing the junk with us. I am going to adopt Kristen's method.....keep one out of four things. It has been so liberating to get rid of so much. The other day, we got rid of 4 bags of clothes, a huge bag of videos/DVDs, 4 boxes of books and 5 trash bags of toys, which were all broken, never played with, out grown or had missing parts. We have much more to go, but it's a good start. I love purging, I feel so free when the clutter is gone. The baby is growing every day and the movements are getting stronger and more noticable. Feeling the baby move is my favorite part of pregnancy. I am still teaching institute, and loving it. We just finished the Old Testament and will start the New Testament in September. I will be down two students, though, because they are off to college.

There is so much more, but my pillow calls.

Bonne Nuit.

KKS

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Savannah!!!

I am so inadequate when it comes to these things. Eloquence is not one of my strengths. But I know I will regret it if I don't record my thoughts of Sweet Savannah on what would have been her eighth birthday.

She passed away two weeks ago today. The Lord needed her home and she very graciously fought the fight to the end.

I am so grateful for the lessons she taught me and my family. She is beautiful inside and out, a princess to all who knew her, and best of all, a precious daughter of God and an instrument in His hands. She had a very special mission on earth, and continues that mission in a far holier place. We will miss her eyes, her smile and her laughter. I feel honored to have known her. We love you so much, Savannah. Happy Heavenly Birthday!!!!
KKS

Boy Girl Boy Girl Boy.........

........Girl, of course. That's right, I had an ultra sound last week and our sixth child is a girl. We kept our pattern. Someday I'll patten my secret and make it known to the rest of the world. We took all the kids with us, these appointments are (by tradition) always attended by the whole family. So, all seven of us crowded into that little room to find out the gender of the baby. Everyone is happy. The kids have been saying all along that it had to be a girl so it would be "even." Lauren was so cute....everytime the baby put her hand up, she would giggle and wave and say "Look, Mommy, she is waving at me!!"
As she stirs in my belly, I am grateful for this new life. She will, indeed, make a most merry Christmas present.
We're not sure on the name yet...we've got plenty of time for that. Many people are calling her "Audrey" but we are not set on that name yet. Any suggestions are welcome.




KKS

Oh Baby!

My appointment was uneventful yesterday. I tried to hide my relief when she put the Doppler on my belly and found the heart beat right away. It was music to my ears.

My uterus is right where it should be...and then some. I am measuring at nineteen weeks, which is expected with baby number six. I still can't figure out why my clothes still fit, but for now I'll enjoy it.

I had my early screening for diabetes yesterday. I hate drinking that nasty orange syrup, which they try to disguise as soda. It made me shaky and dizzy and by the time I checked in I could hardly think straight. I know I have it, so why the torture? I have been using my glucometer off and on for about a month now and my sugar has never been below 120. I took my sugar this morning before I ate and it was 195. Yikes!!! A safe range is between 90 and 100. The sooner I get the script for the gliburide, the better. I'll call for my results tomorrow.

Caleb had a dentist apointment today to repair a chipped tooth. Lundi has one tomorrow to get a cavity filled. Her appointment is at 2:10 and she doesn't get out of summer camp until 4:00, so she is very disappointed that she has to miss the last two hours.

Lundi and Harrison are having a great time at camp this week. I have to say, though, that my kids are a bit in shock when it comes to the public school culture. No, this is not a PS camp, but the children who attend camp also attend PS. Harrison is a compassionate little boy and doesn't like to see people left out. It hurts his feelings when he tries to be kind to people and they reject him. I think it's terrible that compassion is sometimes seen as a weakness or uncool. When he related an experience to me today, I wanted to un-enroll him. But I didn't. I thanked him for trying to be like Jesus and told him we would pray for the "mean" boy tonight.

Caleb had a similar experience last week. On Monday there was a little girl who kept coming up to him and swearing at him. He said "Mom, she was using words that you or I have never heard before! I kept chasing her away and telling her to stop." So I asked him "What can you do tomorrow to improve the situation?" He said "But Mom, I asked her a hundred times to stop."

"OK", I said "Maybe you can pray for her. Maybe she doesn't know how to make friends, or maybe she doesn't have any friends. Sometimes kids talk like that because they think it makes them look grown-up or important. Tomorrow if she doesn't stop, maybe you could go to the counselor and tell her that the language is offensive to you and then let her take care of it, OK?" He said "that sounds good, Mom."

Next day....first thing he says when he gets in the van...."It worked, Mom!! I offered her a piece of gum, asked her not to swear and now we are friends.! She's not that bad after all." I said "That's great, son. You handled it very well."

So there you have it folks, my son who has very little experience in the outside world came through like a champ. Now I know that all of the Moms out there who send their kids to PS have these experiences on a regular bases, but this is our first real encounter with the culture of PS. I think he did pretty good.

I am not saying that swear words defines PS culture, it is only a small part of it. To give you an idea, here are a few things that my kids have learned this week.......

*The meaning of "cutting" and not to do it.

*Trading snacks out of their lunches.

*Not to hold someones hand, even if you really, really, really want to be their buddy.

*That all 7 year olds should have iPods.

*That everyone does almost everything (eating, lining up, walking somewhere) together, at the same time.

*Changing in front of other kids, which they do not like at all. (swimming is a daily activity at camp).

*That "OMG" is a very common phrase. (I am glad this offends them).

I had forgotten about alot of these things. I have realized this week that my kids are quite clueless when it comes to fads, popularity and the conveyer belt method of doing things. Is it good or bad? I don't know yet, only time will tell. I'm just glad that childhood is temporary and

whether or not they ever learn the culture of PS will have no bearing on their success as an adult. Yes, that stresses me out to think that their education is totally up to me, but I know that this is right for our family.

KKS

Seventeen Weeks

Yesterday I reached the seventeenth week of my pregnancy. Months 4, 5 and 6 are usually the best for me. The sickness is gone and I'm not yet big enough to be miserable. The problem is....I worry way too much. (Bang! Bang! I am a "worrier"....remember that song? Except she says she is a "warrior"?). Anyway, I always worry about something. As much as I hate being sick, it is a good sign that I won't miscarry. I know it's crazy, but when I feel good, I worry more. This time I am worrying about the baby not growing. I am still wearing all of my regular clothes and it seems like I was too big for them at this stage with my other babies. I am going to the doctor tomorrow and will (most likely) have all of my fears put to rest.

I very much enjoyed our meetings today. The talks in sacrament meeting were about missionary work and I was reminded that I need to be so much better. Brother Cundick said that in this work, there can be no failures. Something good always comes from it, either for the one sharing the gospel or for the one that it is being shared with. So true.

"Words of Hope and Consolation at the Time of Death" was our RS lesson today. It was very special. Everyone in the room was touched by Savannah's presence. I was in awe at how much she was teaching us, even as she slept in her Mother's arms. She has touched, and will continue to touch, so many lives.

Tonight at dinner the kids had many questions about Savannah. They saw her at church and could tell that she wasn't well. We talked about how she would be going home soon and that the Lord was preparing her and her family. I reminded them that the H's need our prayers.

Lauren got very excited tonight when it occurred to her that Savannah was going to get to meet President Hinckley. She then asked if Savannah would be resurrected. In her mind, that simply means that death is not final. I assured her that she would be and she gave me a hug and said "I love Savannah, Mommy. I don't want her to be sick any more." I thought "what a beautiful example of compassion" and as I shed a tear I told her "That's the same thing her Mommy said in Relief Society today."

I am so grateful for the plan of salvation. Life does not end at death, there is so much more. From an eternal perspective, life on earth is only a small moment. We will see our loved ones again, I know that. This knowledge brings much comfort to those of us left behind.

We are told that when we get to the other side of the veil, our mortal existence will seem like a blink of an eye. Sometimes I wish the "shortness" of it all could be seen in foresight, instead of only in hindsight. Then it wouldn't seem so long until we could see our loved ones again. When I mentioned this to someone today, she reminded me that we wouldn't learn as much. It all comes down to faith, doesn't it? Exercising, building and acting upon faith, that is what the Lord wants us to do. Today I learned to trust in him a little more. I thank him for the spiritual renewal that I received this day. He loves us.

KKS

Hurt

There is way too much of it in this world. When someone hurts me, I don't like to tell them. I usually keep it to myself until I eventually forget about it, because deep down inside I really am tender hearted....but don't tell anyone. I am grateful for the reminder that I do not want to hurt another. I am not going to cry about this anymore, I am turning it over to Him. I am so grateful that my Savior can take it away.
KKS

I Have Always Thought.........

Liam's "play-dough toes." June 2008

That losing one of my children would be unbearable. Don't all mothers feel this way? We all hope and pray that our babies out live us, that we get to see them into adulthood and that we simply pass on when we are aged and seasoned. Nobody wants to think about the possibility of facing such agony that would undoubtedly be ours if we lost a child.

But to some it is reality. I have a friend who is coming closer to this reality every day of her life. She happens to be the Mother of a terminally ill child. A few years ago, back when her daughter was first diagnosed with cancer, I was awakened to a whole new perspective that I had never (truly) considered before. Yes, I have been taught all my life that families can be together forever, that God has a plan for each of us and we need to trust in Him. These are eternal truths that I embrace. It is one thing to "know" that these things are true, yet another to live them when this knowledge is being challenged. The perspective that I speak of (that this friend unknowingly shared with me) is that when these principles are practiced, when that leap of faith is taken, the Lord truly does stand by our side. The Mother of this child is a pillar of strength. One of the first things that I heard her say (with conviction and a tear in her eye) after her daughter was diagnosed was "No matter what happens, we know that she is ours forever." She not only uttered those words three years ago when the prognosis was good, but still proclaims them as her daughter is coming closer to concluding her mission on earth.

I have learned through this friend that it is indeed bearable. Our Savior Jesus Christ and a loving Father in Heaven make it possible.

I also came across a blog lately http://www.adailyscoop.blogspot.com/ that has deeply touched me. It contains the intimate details of a mothers life who recently lost her baby in a drowning accident. Camille was fourteen months old when she died. Stephanie (the Mother) is another shining example of someone with an eternal perspective. I have laughed, (the toilet picture), cried and been more inclined to always have one of my babes on my lap whenever I am sitting down on the couch. I am more grateful for their lives, less inclined to yell, better able to look at situations objectively and especially grateful to have the honor of being their Mother.

I need reminders in my life (even if it's through the blog of a stranger) to keep me moving forward, to remind me that my family is eternal and that the goal is to all make it home together.

Yesterday Lauren had her butterfly net and she said "Mommy, can Jesus see me right now?" I said "Yes." She then said "I want to catch him in my butterfly net and bring him down from heaven so that I can keep him with me. Is that a good idea?" Yes, Lauren...is is a good idea. Thank You Heavenly Father for blessing me with such beautiful little souls in my life. Thank You also for placing people in my life who teach me to treasure them more and more each day.

KKS

I Should Be Folding Laundry

Do you know that I could say this any time, day or night, 365 days a year and it would be TRUE. Ahhhhh, the dark cloud (not the one on the Downy bottle) that constantly hangs over my head. I wonder if my kids will remember always having to dig clothes out of their baskets since their Mom never gets all of the laundry folded. I personally pat myself on the back for coming up with such an ingenious idea. They should be grateful that they only have to dig through their OWN baskets (I separate the clothes into their baskets right out of the dryer), rather than a mountain of the family laundry. And yes.....with seven people, it is indeed a mountain.
Mike started his job today. He says he is going to love the ER. I say I am going to love the pay checks....the first one scheduled to arrive on July 11th. I think I am going to frame it.
We bought a new van on Saturday. Nice, Honda Odyssey with more bells and whistles than we have ever experienced before. The kids are most excited about each having their own vent (with separate climate controls that can be turned off and on by Mom in case there is too much fighting or fidgeting) and overhead light!! Harrison loves the "cold heat" and I have to say that being sick and pregnant, this is by far my favorite feature. I warned the kids at the beginning of summer that we wouldn't be going to far until we got the AC in the other van fixed. The other van is now gone.....with all of it's quirks, hang-ups and problems that have been band-aided for the last year until school was done and we could afford repairs or a new van. The transmission was going.... as in dying going (we were putting fluid in at least twice a week) and started making some serious (scary) noises on our way home from Portland last Thursday. We applied for a loan on Friday, made the purchase on Saturday. ( Don't you love modern technology?) We couldn't get a loan for $2000.00 to fix the transmission, but could get a loan for a new van.
Just for history sake, I want to record all of the problems that we accommodated with our 1997 Dodge Grand Caravan. This is not a complaint....it was good to us. We traded it in with 161,000 miles on it.
*Oil leak in the engine, which required a quart every5-6 days.
*Leak in the transmission which required the fluid be replaced at least twice a week. (both of these have resulted on a big dark spot in the drive way.)
*In order for the left blinker to work, you had to turn the hazards on first, put the blinker on, then turn the hazards off.
*We had to push on the trunk really hard with our foot, while pulling on the handle to get it to unlatch. Very tricky and annoying when it's raining and you are trying to load groceries or the stroller.
*Only one of the wiper fluid squirty things worked and it shot very low on the windshield. I don't know how I made it through mud season with that one.
*The engine always made a tick, tick, tick, tick, tick noise that we were afraid to have looked at by our mechanic. Somebody once told us a few years ago that it ( the engine) wouldn't last much longer.
*It had a dent in the passenger side where somebody hit us in the WM parking lot, but didn't leave a note. Since we only carried liability, it didn't get fixed and was starting to rust.
*If it was cold outside the power locks (that was the ONLY thing power on the van) didn't work and I had to go around with the key and unlock all the (3) doors.


By contrast, our new van has....
Key less entry.
Double sliding doors (soooo much easier when getting babies in and out).
CD player.
AC
Power windows and locks.
Anti lock brakes.
Traction control (it will come in very handy this winter).
Zippy...and I mean sports car zippy.....pick up and steering. (even with it full with the family).
Three heating/cooling zones with vents for every passenger.
L.A.T.C.H. (which means no more wrestling car seats into the correct position...very easy).
All the seats recline, even the very back one.
Huge trunk.
Stow away seating (which we will probably never use, but the extra storage space is nice).
Reading lights for every passenger. So nice for those late nights on the road. No more fighting about who gets to be accommodated....the sleeper or the reader?
Great stereo, sound system.
Cruise control.


We just hope we can convert it into an eight passenger come December. If not, we'll be trading it in.
KKS

Don't Mind Me

I am just a sick, irritable pregnant lady with no patience and no desire or motivation to do much of anything. Oh, and did I mention that I hate being pregnant? I feel bad for my kids, they have to put up with me. I feel bad for Mike, too, because he has to pick up the slack, which he does gladly, bless his heart. I find it very difficult to be pleasant when I feel like throwing up all the time. When I do throw up, I feel great for all of five minutes.
This baby was twelve weeks in utero on Saturday so I am looking forward to feeling better soon. I went to the doctor again yesterday. They drew blood for labs, did a pap and the initial pelvic exam. So far, so good. I also got to hear the heart beat. That is always a special moment, to hear that little engine roaring through the Doppler. It made me smile.
As you may have heard, Mike passed his state boards, is licensed and did get a job in the ER at Maine General. This is an answer to our prayers. He will start orientation as soon as he gets clearance from the doctor who did his physical. We're hoping he starts next week.
My favorite four old is no longer four. The happy-snappy, giggly girl had her fifth birthday on the twenty eighth of May. I told her she could be five as long as she stayed this cute. She agreed.
My eyes are burning....maybe I will actually be able to fall asleep before 2:00 tonight.

KKS

Where Am I?

We're still going around in the whirl wind of life. I was sorely mistaken when I thought that life would slow down after Mike was done with school. We have been catching up on things that were on hold for a while. Like dentist and doctor visits, yard work, housework, bike fixing, computer fixing, extended family issues, catching up with old friends, I've been able to rest alot because I have this horrible cold that I am having a hard time getting over and we have all been able to have a few lazy days.

The job hunt remains in full swing. Mike has had many interviews and one offer. The offer is from a hospital in Bangor at Acadia in the adolescent psyche unit. While this is a job he would really like, it's far away and we really want to stay here. If he took the job at Acadia, we would have to move north. He also had an outstanding interview at Maine General today for a position in the E.R. We really hope he gets this one. We could stay in this ward and it would relieve the pressure of an immediate move. He could commute until we move closer to Augusta.



SURPRISE!!! Barring all complications, we will become a family of eight right before Christmas. We found out last week that there is a little person growing in my belly. This makes pregnancy number ten and hopefully baby number six. It doesn't need to be said that this is unexpected and was (supposedly) being prevented. So I like to say that this is our "bonus baby." I had mixed feelings when I found out. I felt blessed but also really scared. I felt that we might eventually have another, but not before x,y and z (eliminated some risk factors) happened and most certainly not in December. I was most afraid that the doctor was going to advise me to terminate. I knew emotionally I could not handle that. So before we went to the doctor we did a whole lot of praying and felt at peace with this pregnancy.

The doctor explained in great detail what the risks were and relieved many of our fears. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had blown it up to be in my head. (I worry soooo much during pregnancy. Seriously, I think I need an anxiety med or something!) He basically said that we were going to worry alot (I don't need any help with that one), monitor me very closely and deal with problems if and when they arise. He did mention termination as an option, but did not advise it. We knew we weren't even going to consider it, because the Lord told us that everything would be fine. But it was great to know that he felt that it was probable that both me and baby would live. What a relief!!!

So, I am right in the middle of the pukey-sick stage. I gag at anything that has a smell stronger than water. I can't have a conversation with someone rocking in a chair, it makes me dizzy and therefor sick. I have to drive (even when Mike is with us) or else I get car sick. I have to breathe through my mouth when changing a poopy diaper so I don't gag. I can't brush my tongue. I have terrible heartburn (I love Pepcid). I am irritable and a rotten mother (just ask my kids). It takes alot of effort to be nice to people (I am asking for forgiveness in advance in case I offend any of you). I take a nap every day. I have to take frequent breaks during menial tasks like unloading the dishwasher. I sleep with a pitcher just in case I spontaneously puke in the night. My boobs hurt. My arm tingles at night. I crave cinnamon. I often feel sensory overload, especially when the kids are all around me, touching me. I feel itchy at night. Oh...and did I mention that I absolutley hate being pregnant? I love the baby, hate being pregnant. I know, I know. I will feel extremely guilty for saying that if I have another misscarriage. I always do. But I really do hate being pregnant. I can't deny it. I am one who writes on the calendar "week 10, week 11, week 12"........and so on, just because I like to know how much I have accomplised so far. For me, not being pregnant at the end of nine months is the best part, the baby is the bonus. So on Saturday I will be eleven weeks. All of my misscarriages have happened between eight and twelve weeks, so I like to think that I am almost "in the clear." There was no indication of a problem at my ultrasound on Monday. So we are praying that all will go well. As much as I complain, I really am thankful for this new life.

KKS